I decided to write this article after my long-suffering girlfriend Detta gave me one of her looks – a smile of half amusement and half bewilderment on her face as she shook her head after I mentioned genitalia for the umpteenth time today. Now, fortunately I’m quite creative and witty about the subject or I’m sure she would have left me years ago, but still, I appreciate her putting up with it.

The thing is, like many men, and indeed many women, I think about sex a large percentage of the time. There is the occasional let-up when I ponder drumming, motorcycles, fishing, what I want to eat or how I can procrastinate some work that’s backing up, but for the most part, it’s sex in some form or another.

Now Detta can be pretty hilarious herself about matters below the belt, but it’s not a relentless diatribe like it is with me. She however, has never strained against her essential nature; she has always been true to herself, whereas I have many times gone against my nature. A great example of this would be the period just before I got very ill when I was buying houses to rent out and trying to be a businessman instead of being a musician/writer who likes talking about willies and bottoms. It cost me dearly.

My point here is that there is a daft social structure that thinks it’s bad to talk about such things, so we don’t. If you don’t want to talk about it – even those of you who think about it a lot – then that’s fine too. This is not an article about how we should base all our conversations on toilet humour. I’m trying to convey the importance of being yourself despite cultural constraints. If somebody tells you that you can’t climb Everest when that’s your dream, it is sometimes easy to let them persuade you otherwise, but really, stamping on people’s dreams usually comes from a place of their own jealousy and limitations. Why the hell shouldn’t you climb Everest? Don’t even argue with anyone who tells you that you can’t. Thank them for their advice and then go and climb it anyway.

Many lives have been half-lived because of cultural memes that should really have been ignored. If you really are true to yourself and ignore the misinterpretations and limits that society tries to force upon us, you really can do anything you want, and if you go with your instincts and heart, you will always do it well. Many people could probably cause huge offence by talking about sex (and worse) as much as I do, but I’m ready now to admit that making it amusing is one of my talents, so now I thoroughly enjoy it and indulge.

What are you really good at? Go for it! And don’t take yourself too seriously.

My thanks to Lisa Cairns for reproducing this lovely joke on her website, which is where I nicked it from. It illustrates how dogma can be such a party-pooper…

“A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books and crying. He asks what’s wrong.

“The word is ‘celebrate’,” says the old monk.”

Now, in my time I’ve read many spiritual and religious texts and have gleaned much from all of them, but for true inspiration about the hilarious nature of the universe, give me Viz magazine any day!





Originally posted 2014-03-11 16:18:36.